all in a day

I drove to Boston to a conference. Driving into Boston is not my stronger skill and it is anxiety-producing which I do persist thru. I use the GPS. I have not learned yet how to get there, to any part of it. Don't know that I ever will. Not that the anxiety will keep it that way. I also do not need to go often. My life is very full with the demands to where it is I go - work, appts, appts for kids, etc.

I was happy with myself today. My anxiety was less. I made fewer anxious mistakes in following the GPS than I have in the past. My "error" today was in not reading the email fully about the conference to know what parking was in the area, assuming there would be parking garages as I have seen in other areas into which I have driven. I managed to check the email and read further about parking, found parking, had enough money to pay even though I did not prepare with cash, and got to the conference on time.

The conference was interesting. It was enjoyable to be around people of diversity, hear thoughts, see personalities. Why have I been passionate about what I have? Why am I still? Because they have been things near and dear to my own heart in my life experiences. In my passion I did not always know how I may have been hurting others. I do not want to hurt others. Yes, I want to take care of myself even if it is against what another wants, but that is not the same as forcing another to see my way. I came to see my way on my own. My way has evolved with deep thought, depth of experiencing what I have in giving, loving, being the best person I can.

When I wanted a marriage what I wanted it to be, one line of thinking was my tool while I was ready to see one part, but not other parts. Time and hurt eroded that marriage. I see other parts and I am healing, making peace and learning. Now, a biggie is autism. I have a nonverbal, lower functioning son with autism - my own child. That will be a process in advocating, acting, releasing and accepting. I will be loud, strong, cry, give up, get back up all along the way. I want to persist in speaking and walking the walk, but I do not want to get spiteful or cynical.