unmet dependency needs

I "have unmet dependency needs". Somehow I did not feel overwhelming feelings held by my parents to know I am not alone. I remember as a young adult, in my only marriage that was tumultuous, calling home and asking of I could move home. My mother's response was that she had to ask my father. I also remember a time my father came down because the husband and I were fighting and I was experiencing it as though he was truly against me - I had not enough being supported and hos way was to be against what he perceived as the cause of his pain - I went into my father's arms, crying and said, "I love you, Daddy" and his response was "uh huh, I'm not here for my health". He was good to not be against my husband, but he did not know how to be for me. So, the years of that spent in 19+ years with an in-law family with their issues, their needs, my unawareness of my needs and my inability to really meet theirs enough to make them trust, but believe me I gave all I had to try, and my needs not met at all. What I knew I drew to me without an understanding and awareness of what I needed to draw to me. ALL of those years, I was spent, but still alive, and having learned a great deal and I met him and began dating. I ignored subtle signs. I plowed past them, determined he would give me what I need, again, not knowing what that was. He was gentle. He listened. He really listened. I am more intense than he. He became exhausted. I enacted my issues in the relationship. There were good points, really good ones. Once, I felt so loved I cried in our love making and he was present to me and simply held me. It is over and I feel moments of intense fear, loss. I need to figure out what healthy things soothe me. I need to grown in my ability to self-soothe. I need to learn to feel all my emotions and be comfortable in doing so. I am right where I need to be. I have my own inner knowing and the way to it is blocked. I have to remove the blocks. And, there is no where to get so I can slow down. I have not been slow for much in my life. Going slow comes not easy. I am also inclined to think too much when I am not very busy. I can be aware of a feeling, but I need not dwell on it. Rewiring takes time.