Riding the Waves

I think I need to journal some of this out and emailing him is not an option. I learned from reading the book about attachment theory and dating, love relationships. I came to understand he has an avoidant attachment style and I have an anxious attachment style. The number of years we had known each other, acted out from our wounds, learned a little bit, truly cared, tried to feel safe, tried to trust, grew a little bit, but continued to trigger each other ended it.

It has taken reading the book and experiencing the end and how I feel as a result of it that is causing more learning. The whole thing about just gaining brain knowledge is not enough to change - that it is the process of visceral change that leads to change.

I am reading the book on emotional intelligence I owned prior to the attachment book. I began reading it prior to and some of it just wasn't sticking. It is better now. That said, it is brain knowledge. I am at the part I think I need to ride the waves. That is the part of doing exercises in which I take myself to a place of, first moderate, later when that is mastered, intense emotion. No longer than a 30 minute period this is done. One feels the emotion, noting where it is, how it feels, and when it gets too uncomfortable, one is to use sensory calming techniques individually helpful to get back to feeling safer and calmer, then go back to the feelings again - back and forth, no longer than 30 minutes. At the end of 30 minutes, one is not to stay in the feelings - one is to get back with routine - feelings may be there and it is okay to be aware, but to not go fully and deeply there. The book suggests in 1-3 months of daily practice this helps with brain rewiring and one is able to feel raw emotion, to utilize it as the valuable tool it is, to not shut off all emotion, yet not be controlled by the emotion.

I see her tomorrow. We'll talk about that and maybe a few other things I ought to get done first.